Dear Son – Chapter 13

I make no apologies but this week has been an emotional rollercoaster. 😊😫😢

I’ve been going through my album and wondering where the heck did time go?!

I literally feel like I just gave birth to you yesterday.

You’re excited because you are officially a teenager.

For you, you translate that to more freedom and having such a badge of honor to have the word “teen” at the end of you age.

I’m happy, sad and scared because I feel like I can’t protect you in the same manner that I once have.

You desire more time with your friends, you’re on your phone more and girls 😩🤦🏾‍♀️ …. I’ll leave that subject alone (for now).

There’s such a fear in raising a young, black son. (We’ll talk about that more in detail) but I’m truly relying on my prayers to keep you.

I’m very proud of the man that you are becoming.

You are such an intelligent, compassionate and well mannered young man.

STAY THAT WAY! ☝🏾

Don’t allow bad influences to change the core of who you are.

The next few years will be filled with many lessons.

You will learn about decisions and how much of an impact that have on your life.

Rely on that inner voice to keep you.

I’m so proud of the YOUNG man you are developing in to.

Happy Birthday Young Prince!

Today I celebrate your very existence.

With deep Love,

Mommy 💛🌻

Mind Over Mind

August 26th, 2017

7:21am

Kissimmee, FL

The day after Universal Studios – Orlando Florida.

I was pooped.

I walked into the living room …

And there he was;

My handsome, too smart for his own good, silly, loving 10 year old (Now 11 Year Old) was fast asleep.

He was pooped too.

Amusement parks can suck all the energy from you. 😣

I sat down in the bed and just stared at him.

I skipped down the memory lane of motherhood – boy did I have some ups and downs.

I thanked God for blessing me with the “Gift of Motherhood” and asked that he continue to hold my hand along the way.

I dwelled in my positive thoughts and then this mind of mine decided to go left. 😔

Ugh …. the frustrations of being a thinker. I mean really being a thinker. (As I’m writing this, I’m thinking about work, the political climate in the U.S., losing weight and how to keep myself from eating this Twinkie staring at me.) 💭💭

END THOUGHT – BACK TO WHERE WE LEFT OFF FROM ☝️🏽

You’re in a nice place of positive thinking and then the negative clouds tries to creep in. 🤐

I replayed some moments where I could have done something differently …. beat myself up because I missed my son’s 1st word and his 1st step because I was at work. I questioned if I work too much. Rationalizing about how I can be a better mother …. And then the big one …. the thought I try to avoid creeps in:

Why didn’t I conceive again after having J.C.?!

Did I put my career 1st?

Why did I go back and forth between wanting to have another?

Why couldn’t I conceive when I tried?!

Am I only meant to have 1 child?!

Have I fulfilled my purpose as a mother of 1?

Ugh …. I hate going there…. emotionally ….. mentally…. that question just drains me.

I dwelled there a little.

Trying to rationalize things that can’t be rationalized in life – not without driving yourself Crazy.

What is wrong with my body?

Why ……

And then a sudden jolt of reality hit me.

Literally.

My son kicked me in my upper thigh as he changed positions in bed.

As I rubbed my thigh, I chuckled and looked up.

“Thank You Lord.” (As a baby 👶🏾, J.C. would kick the heck out of me while he was in my womb.)

I guess he knew I was going down a dark path that would lead me to a pool of sadness in thoughts.

I looked at J.C. and thanked him too.

He has a way of always getting me back to where I need to be. … And this happens all too often. Lol 🙈

Mentally… I got back to where I needed to be.

Thanking God for being a mother of 2 – my 1 Biological Child and also my son from my previous marriage who is beginning his 1st year of College in VA.

I thanked God for children – My God Daughter, Step Children, Nieces and Nephews as well as adoptive Children from work – that he placed in my life.

I began to feel more at peace.

The package of motherhood comes in many forms.

Children come in many forms and don’t just have to be yours by D.N.A.

I’m thankful for all that I have and all that I will have in the future.

Sometimes we are in a good place and then let the enemy come in and do a 360 and it starts with our thoughts.

Remain thankful and always try your best to focus on the good.

There are so many miracles in our life if we just meditate on them and stay there; our positive and humble thoughts can keep us in a positive mode for a long time .

Don’t allow the devil to distort your thoughts and take you down a dark path .

Keep your mind in a food place. Keep your thoughts positive.

Ending on a positive note,

Signed with JOY,

Joyfully Chrissy Lee 💫🌻

Stay Positive. Stay Joyful.

Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

A Letter to My Son ❤

Dear J.C.,
I am flawed in many ways baby. I am imperfect, made a whole lot of mistakes in life, still learning and growing to be a better person all while being your mother. 

You see, once the clock (⏰) of motherhood started ticking on December 1st, 2006, it will continue to tick, until the end of time. So you have this woman who is still on a journey of learning as Mommy for life.

While pregnant at the young age of 21, I thought about what kind of mother I would be to you. I had some training of caring for a baby when my mother gave birth to your Uncle when I was 16 but that wasn’t motherhood. 
I have my Mom and Grandma to glean on, I have books I could read, I have my Auntie Dianne & your Auntie Chrissy, Auntie Lauren or Auntie Tiara who are phenomenal mothers but sometimes I still feel lost.

Sometimes I have my “Christina, what the heck are you doing?” moments. 🙇🙅

Yes J.C., sometimes Mommy is just lost on this adventure of Motherhood.😣

There is no real handbook for raising you kiddo; at least I thought there wasn’t.  

You see that book that you are holding in the picture above; that Good Book which many call the Bible is my go to for life’s answers including motherhood. 

When I am lost, confused, need answers about anything ….including motherhood, I search it for answers. 

My desire is for you to do the same. Yes, you will have friends and family members to guide you along the way, but you will get to a point where you need more than advice…. you need wisdom, and my dear son, The Bible has all the wisdom, knowledge and answers you need.

I may fail you baby. Mommy doesn’t have all the answers. I’m still learning along the way, but I promise to do my very best with you. 

You will excel in all things because you have a praying Mother. 

You will escape some of life’s pitfalls because you have a praying Mother.

You will get through some very difficult moments in your life, because Mommy knows how to apply the word of God to your life …. teaching you to do the same.

I love you with all of my being Jonathan Christian. You my Love, give me so much Joy. 

I enjoy our talks. I enjoy our silly moments of dancing around the house. I enjoy your many questions about whatever pops up in your head. You have made life so enjoyable and I thank God for you. 

I want you to pursue your hearts desires. Nothing is too big for you to achieve. I will push you to do your very best and probably annoy you along the way 

But

Everything I do, will be because I love you and want the very best for you. 

Signed with Joy & Love,

Mommy ❤

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