Introverted to a Fault πŸ˜©

I TRULY ENJOY TIME TO MYSELF!!!!

Let me say that again – I truly enjoy time to myself.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with that but I’ve had to advocate that very statement quite often. (I’ll elaborate later on πŸ˜‰)

I believe I actually crave for “time with self.”

My quiet time is so important to my sense of well being.

Now – Let this be known – I enjoy social gatherings and I do pop out of my 🐒 shell from time to time but there’s a sense of peace that I receive when I take some me time.

Announcement ‼️ There was a time where my introverted traits kept me in a low place in life and that’s where the title of this Blog comes in – Introverted to a fault. πŸ˜‘

If you have read my previous Blogs (which if you haven’t; you should & while you’re there just make sure you subscribe πŸ˜‰) – Cheesy Plug – then you would know that I had my bouts with Depression.

Being introverted and being in a depressive state is not a good mix.

Why? (You May ask and even if you didn’t I will explain)

Introverts think πŸ€” often. We can internalize our feelings and moods because we are pretty much inward people. Remember – we like alone time; so imagine alone time mixed in with overthinking and juggling your emotions?! That’s not a healthy blend of soup but I was sipping that lonesome 🍲 for quite some time.

I would have these seasons of low points and when my friends would inquire, I would pull out my “Girl, you know I need my me time!” excuse.

I would use my introverted nature to cover up my depression. Now that I think back at those moments, it was such a dumb thing to do because I truly believe my friends knew I was lying. πŸ€₯

As I am writing this I must say; it truly feels good to be speaking about depression in past tense. It’s been quite a journey and it feels so good to finally be at peace with my many thoughts and emotions.

So I close this Blog with a couple of things.

1. I’m still very much an introvert and I love that I am comfortable being alone to recharge but I am well aware that social interaction is good, healthy and needed. For those who helped me come out of my introverted shell – THANK YOU ☺️

2. Being an introvert and being depressed are two different things but if blended together can be very unhealthy. If you are currently struggling don’t be afraid to tell someone. There are people to help you in your journey of finding peace✌🏾. My help came through expressing my feelings, praying, acknowledging I needed help and then seeking help.

3. There are pros of being introverted. I believe we are very self-aware, thoughtful (because we think too darn much) and we overall learn well through observing ( since we always find a quiet place to pull away lol)

Lastly, it’s been a while since I last Blogged – so to my subscribers which I love so so so much – My sincerest apologies and I will do better. ❀️

Signed with JOY πŸŒ»πŸ’«,

Joyfully Chrissy Lee

P.S. —> For those who need assistance on their journey to having a peace of mind; feel free to check out some good reads about Mental Health Awareness . ⬅️ (Not a paid plug but this definitely helped me) πŸ™‚

Sinner

Christian – What’s the definition of a Christian?

What does the word Christian mean?

What does a Christian look like? Act like?

What kind of Christians do you know?

What kind of Christians do you interact with?

I am a Christian.

I believe in Jesus Christ and have no problem proclaiming he died on the Cross for my sins.

I spread his message, testify about my own journey on this walk with Christ and do my very best to extend the invite to attend Church.

I work daily on trying to be more like him.

I’m also a flawed and a jumbled mess.

I’ve sinned asked for forgiveness and sinned again.

Does that make me less of a Christian?!

You look at me, see my pictures on Social Media and conjure up this Unflawed Persona of Joyfully Chrissy Lee.

Do me a favor and stop. πŸ™…πŸΎπŸ›‡

I’ve lied, cheated, cursed and then some . . . . πŸ˜”

All on my journey of being a Christian . . . .

but does that make me any less of a Christian? πŸ€”

Christian = Christ like

Christ like = Striving to be like him

It doesn’t mean you won’t stumble along the way.

I am a small seed and just like any seed – I need dirt to grow.

Sometimes things get a little messy.

But

The beauty is – that Seed grows into a Tree with branches of Wisdom from God and life’s experiences that you learn from the mess ups in life.

I’m a saint with a messy past.

I’m a sinner with a PHENOMENAL Future.

I am thankful for God’s grace, his mercy and 2nd Chances to make things right.

To my Flawed Christians.

To my imperfect Christians.

To those struggling with this Journey with Christ.

God’s with you along the way.

You’re not alone.

Let me say that again – You’re not alone.

Everyone has something they are struggling with.

Don’t succumb to the struggle.

Pray, Share Your Burdens with Another &

Work on becoming a better you.

Let your struggle be your Testimony to bring others into the Kingdom of God.

Don’t be ashamed. Don’t hide your scars of life.

Share when God allows you to do so. (Read Galations 6:1-5)

Repent when you fall. (Read Acts 3:19)

Ask others to pray for you. (James 5:16)

Then pick yourself back up and start again minus the Condemnation. (Romans 8:1)

Remember – You are loved πŸ’š . . . just as you are. πŸ’›

Signed with a Humbled Heart,

Joyfully Chrissy Lee πŸ’«πŸŒ»

Mind Over Mind

August 26th, 2017

7:21am

Kissimmee, FL

The day after Universal Studios – Orlando Florida.

I was pooped.

I walked into the living room …

And there he was;

My handsome, too smart for his own good, silly, loving 10 year old (Now 11 Year Old) was fast asleep.

He was pooped too.

Amusement parks can suck all the energy from you. 😣

I sat down in the bed and just stared at him.

I skipped down the memory lane of motherhood – boy did I have some ups and downs.

I thanked God for blessing me with the “Gift of Motherhood” and asked that he continue to hold my hand along the way.

I dwelled in my positive thoughts and then this mind of mine decided to go left. πŸ˜”

Ugh …. the frustrations of being a thinker. I mean really being a thinker. (As I’m writing this, I’m thinking about work, the political climate in the U.S., losing weight and how to keep myself from eating this Twinkie staring at me.) πŸ’­πŸ’­

END THOUGHT – BACK TO WHERE WE LEFT OFF FROM ☝️🏽

You’re in a nice place of positive thinking and then the negative clouds tries to creep in. 🀐

I replayed some moments where I could have done something differently …. beat myself up because I missed my son’s 1st word and his 1st step because I was at work. I questioned if I work too much. Rationalizing about how I can be a better mother …. And then the big one …. the thought I try to avoid creeps in:

Why didn’t I conceive again after having J.C.?!

Did I put my career 1st?

Why did I go back and forth between wanting to have another?

Why couldn’t I conceive when I tried?!

Am I only meant to have 1 child?!

Have I fulfilled my purpose as a mother of 1?

Ugh …. I hate going there…. emotionally ….. mentally…. that question just drains me.

I dwelled there a little.

Trying to rationalize things that can’t be rationalized in life – not without driving yourself Crazy.

What is wrong with my body?

Why ……

And then a sudden jolt of reality hit me.

Literally.

My son kicked me in my upper thigh as he changed positions in bed.

As I rubbed my thigh, I chuckled and looked up.

“Thank You Lord.” (As a baby πŸ‘ΆπŸΎ, J.C. would kick the heck out of me while he was in my womb.)

I guess he knew I was going down a dark path that would lead me to a pool of sadness in thoughts.

I looked at J.C. and thanked him too.

He has a way of always getting me back to where I need to be. … And this happens all too often. Lol πŸ™ˆ

Mentally… I got back to where I needed to be.

Thanking God for being a mother of 2 – my 1 Biological Child and also my son from my previous marriage who is beginning his 1st year of College in VA.

I thanked God for children – My God Daughter, Step Children, Nieces and Nephews as well as adoptive Children from work – that he placed in my life.

I began to feel more at peace.

The package of motherhood comes in many forms.

Children come in many forms and don’t just have to be yours by D.N.A.

I’m thankful for all that I have and all that I will have in the future.

Sometimes we are in a good place and then let the enemy come in and do a 360 and it starts with our thoughts.

Remain thankful and always try your best to focus on the good.

There are so many miracles in our life if we just meditate on them and stay there; our positive and humble thoughts can keep us in a positive mode for a long time .

Don’t allow the devil to distort your thoughts and take you down a dark path .

Keep your mind in a food place. Keep your thoughts positive.

Ending on a positive note,

Signed with JOY,

Joyfully Chrissy Lee πŸ’«πŸŒ»

Stay Positive. Stay Joyful.

Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

☑ MOVE OUT OF HIS WAY β˜‘

We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.

Proverbs 16:9 NLT

How many of us have planned out things for our lives?

I mean really planned out some major things in our lives.

For instance : This was the plan I had for my life …. πŸ€” Wait …. Did ya’ll just see what I wrote: Let me repeat; This was the plan I had for my life! Smh …. Let me share my plan and then share what’s wrong with my plan.

Please read below to see my master plan for my life.

I’m going to get married by 25, have my Masters at 25, have a child by 30; my child will be a son (Boys have my heart πŸ’™ lol; No offense to Girls) -somewhere in between buy a house and have a very successful business all while being busy in ministry.

Do you see anything wrong with that picture ? πŸ€”

I do.

Where is God? (I’ll give you some time to scroll back up and look) ⏳

Got your answer?? I do too!

For the question of “WHERE IS GOD IN THE PLANS FOR CHRISTINA’S LIFE?” the answer is ….. Drum Roll Please 🎢🎢🎢 Nowhere

Sadly, I never included him in the planning process .

My Plans resulted in getting married at 23, having a son at 21 (Yep …. The child πŸ‘Ά came before the marriage), not receiving my Masters yet but receiving my Bachelor’s at the age of 29, I don’t have a House yet, I am active in ministry, no longer married at 32 & I’m just jump-starting my company. Whew 😩 That was a mouthful.

People reading this: Don’t plan without God!

We get ourselves into situations that were not choosen by God and then afterwards in the midst of the mayhem in our lives hopefully have that “A-ha” moment that puts us in check to go back to the father and ask him to order our steps.

You and I have to consider God a vital, living factor in the planning of our lives.

Sometimes as Christians, we often think that we only have to consider God in the spiritual aspects of our lives but what about the things we deem unimportant to him.

For instance, the car we drive or may want to purchase. The type of hairstyle we should get, the school or job we should apply to, how much money we should spend in a store, the friends in our life, what we should be eating, etc., etc., etc.

God cares about everything concerning his children.

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7 NLT

See the last part of the verse; for he cares about YOU.

It doesn’t breakdown big vs small …. The word says he cares about you and I believe he cares about everything concerning YOU.

NOW: ☑ Caution to those who are about to feel guilty and beat up on yourselves.

Hold on there . … you are NOT the only one that has planned without God and you probably won’t be the last. πŸ˜”

Abraham & Sarah grew very impatient for a child which led to him sleeping with Hagar.

Moses through impulse and anger killed an Egyptian.

Jonah decided to “do him” and go the opposite direction of where God was telling him to go and ended up in the belly of a big fish. 🐳

Shall I continue ?!!

I’m pretty sure you get the point.

So I typed all of these words to say:

1. Walk with God in the planning of your life. Cultivate a relationship with him and pray to him about any and everything concerning your life. (Dating, Career Goals, School Choices, Financial Decisions, Church Home, Physical Health, and so on and so on)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5‭-‬6 NLT

2. Slow down with the planning process and listen to his instructions.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. John 10:27 NLT

In closing let me say this:

I have made so many bad decisions and choices in my life because I excluded God. All choices comes with consequences – and some of those consequences are hard to cope with.

I don’t want that for you, so make a decision today to include God in your planning for your life.

Prayer: Lord, forgive me for not including you in the plans for my life. I ask for your forgiveness . I decide, TODAY that I will seek your plan and will for my life. I thank you for opening up my eyes and ears to hear things from you . Lord, I will follow you as you direct my paths.

Amen

Be at Peace and let God have his way.

Signed with Joy,

Joyfully Chrissy Lee πŸ’«πŸŒ»

I miss you πŸ˜’

Grieving sucks ….. Grieving a loved one sucks more.

The setting is Saint Joseph’s Hospital Emergency Room.

Loved ones surround each other crying, grieving, trying to find the best way to cope.

But what is the best way to cope? How the hell do you cope with losing someone you just saw?! Someone you just talked to?! No one was prepared?

Ugh …. the surprises in life that leave you feeling like it just smacked the crap out of you.

As I was in the emergency room … I saw many others …. many living others. Some had wounds that needed to be attended to. Some were weak and needed rest and medicine to get them to a better place. Their families and friends were there to help see them through.

That wasn’t the same story for us. A mother, brothers, sisters, a niece and friends all gathered around in that dark hospital room crying and consoling each other because unlike the other patients…. you weren’t leaving.

We cried tears that could fill an ocean. It just sucks knowing you wouldn’t be leaving the hospital like the others.

Damn …. Life is just so flipping unfair.

Through tears I had to fight off anger to things I didn’t and don’t understand.

The infamous question of “Why” has no reason to entertain other than burying me in a deep level of philosophical insanity and depression.

Ugh …. I want to scream. Punch something or someone. Tell the other person in the hospital bed … “man up …. you are walking out if here today…..”

But

That would be unkind. Un-Compassionate.

So I remained silent.

I spent my last few minutes in the hospital room with your youngest sister as they removed your personal belongings …. Dag … you have a whole lot of jewelry . LOL

The Nurses were undressing you and were waiting to place you in that stupid plastic bag with the stupid zipper down the middle.

One of them was singing. He was new on the job and told me he needed to sing because he was sad. His singing gave me comfort.

I looked at you laying on the table. Your dreads were so long they were hanging to the floor.

I held your hand ….. it was still warm …. and then I looked at you.

You looked like you were sleeping. You looked like you were at peace …..

And then

I saw the most beautiful thing.

A single Caterpillar laying on your hair. It was cute and fuzzy and seemed like it found a beautiful resting place …. You.

I knew it was symbolic and I googled the meaning of a Caterpillar.

This is what I found: A caterpillar symbolizes a great change. They go into a cocoon stage and then morph into something different – A Beautiful Butterfly. πŸ¦‹

Then it hit me and I was overwhelmed by God’s peace.

Donnita my love, you are in your cocoon stage …. sleeping …. resting and soon to be with our Creator.

As I sit here with tears streaming down my eyes on the bathroom floor …. I rest in God’s peace …. knowing you will be …. knowing you are in a better place.

I love you.

I miss you.

Til we meet again.

Love,

Christina

P.S. Thank You for loving me, understanding me and always treating me with love …. In Spite of. ❀

Brown BoyΒ 

Intelligent

Strong

Sweet

Loving

Leader in the making

Brown Boy

… you are ALL those things and more.

A King amongst all things ….

Brown Boy ….. You are love. ❀

I look at you and I see strength passed down from our ancestors.

Society may see different.

Some may see you as a threat ….

Some may see you as a person with no ambition because of the tint of your skin.

Some may have statistically predicted your future with a negative ending because of the tint of your skin.

But Baby …. You are a Renaissance in the making.

Continue to inquire why things are the way they are. Don’t be afraid to speak out when things are wrong. Don’t allow them to paint a picture of who you are not …. Continue to stroke the brush to the beat of your own drum.

Brown Boy …. Paint a Picture to be admired by all in all your “Brownness.”

There is GREATNESS with in you.

Brown Boy …… Continue to be Great in ALL you do.

Embrace the tint of your skin because it is indeed a beautiful one. Show the world Brown is something to admire.

Signed,

Your Beautiful Brown Mother 😘

Joyfully Chrissy Lee πŸ’«πŸŒ»

A Letter to My Son β€

Dear J.C.,
I am flawed in many ways baby. I am imperfect, made a whole lot of mistakes in life, still learning and growing to be a better person all while being your mother. 

You see, once the clock (⏰) of motherhood started ticking on December 1st, 2006, it will continue to tick, until the end of time. So you have this woman who is still on a journey of learning as Mommy for life.

While pregnant at the young age of 21, I thought about what kind of mother I would be to you. I had some training of caring for a baby when my mother gave birth to your Uncle when I was 16 but that wasn’t motherhood. 
I have my Mom and Grandma to glean on, I have books I could read, I have my Auntie Dianne & your Auntie Chrissy, Auntie Lauren or Auntie Tiara who are phenomenal mothers but sometimes I still feel lost.

Sometimes I have my “Christina, what the heck are you doing?” moments. πŸ™‡πŸ™…

Yes J.C., sometimes Mommy is just lost on this adventure of Motherhood.😣

There is no real handbook for raising you kiddo; at least I thought there wasn’t.  

You see that book that you are holding in the picture above; that Good Book which many call the Bible is my go to for life’s answers including motherhood. 

When I am lost, confused, need answers about anything ….including motherhood, I search it for answers. 

My desire is for you to do the same. Yes, you will have friends and family members to guide you along the way, but you will get to a point where you need more than advice…. you need wisdom, and my dear son, The Bible has all the wisdom, knowledge and answers you need.

I may fail you baby. Mommy doesn’t have all the answers. I’m still learning along the way, but I promise to do my very best with you. 

You will excel in all things because you have a praying Mother. 

You will escape some of life’s pitfalls because you have a praying Mother.

You will get through some very difficult moments in your life, because Mommy knows how to apply the word of God to your life …. teaching you to do the same.

I love you with all of my being Jonathan Christian. You my Love, give me so much Joy. 

I enjoy our talks. I enjoy our silly moments of dancing around the house. I enjoy your many questions about whatever pops up in your head. You have made life so enjoyable and I thank God for you. 

I want you to pursue your hearts desires. Nothing is too big for you to achieve. I will push you to do your very best and probably annoy you along the way 

But

Everything I do, will be because I love you and want the very best for you. 

Signed with Joy & Love,

Mommy ❀

A Labor of JoyΒ 

I hated being pregnant. It was a sad and lonely time for me. 

I found out I was pregnant when I was 3 1/2 months. 

21 years old. (Way too young in my book) πŸ˜”

I had the worst morning sickness. I couldn’t keep anything down and everything …. I mean everything would make me throw up. Toothpaste was the worst culprit. The only thing that seemed to bring me peace was Sunflower Seeds, Peppermint Tea and Peppermint Candy.

I gained 50lbs 😣😣😣 and was diagnosed with Polyhydramnios; meaning I had way too much amniotic fluid. This caused me some serious belly pains, problems breathing, the worst kind of back pain ever and I can’t forget about my swollen feet. 

I could not stand hearing “pregnancy is such a joyous time.” πŸ˜’

 “Joy” and pregnancy did NOT belong in the same book. 

The only good thing I remembered was when I was about 5 to 6 months, and felt my son moving inside of me …. fast forward to month 7th and 8th, and I couldn’t wait to get him out of me. 

My Dr. believed a “Planned C-Section” was the way to go. 😞 Ugh …. I have a messed up pregnancy and now I can’t even give birth naturally…..  Come on Doc!

I wanted a Water Birth so darn bad. πŸ›€ No medicine. No Hospital. Just a Peaceful setting, some candles and Jazz Music. β™©πŸŽΆ

That would have been a good end to a painful pregnancy. 

Fast forward to Friday, December 1st, 2006, at St. John’s Riverside Hospital.

Let’s see: I remember sitting in the darn room with my legs wide open with The Doctor, my Mother and my son’s father looking in areas that I haven’t seen in months. Ugh …. the embarrassment. πŸ˜” 

I remember the darn catheter coming off and the Nurse having to reinsert it. Ouch …. to the tenth power. 

I remember the Doctor while inserting the epidural telling me “Flinch and you’ll be paralyzed for life”

Oh the Joy of pregnancy. LOL

The only Joy I could see was at the very end and honestly, that’s what I received. A burst of JOY when the doctors placed this 9lbs 4oz, 21 inch baby boy against my cheek. 

I experienced so much Joy, I was overcome with tears. 

The 9 months of pain vanished instantly. 

As I am writing this, I am realizing that through all the pain and loneliness during my pregnancy, JOY was there but I just had to tap into it. 

The same thing applies to when we are “going through it” in life. 

Joy is waiting for us. We have to choose Joy in the midst of whatever we are going through. 

We have to choose to see the many blessings in our life and praise God for the things he has already done. 

Joy comes when we continually praise what God has already done. 

You thrill me, Lord , with all you have done for me! I sing for joy because of what you have done. (Psalms 92:4 NLT)

During my pregnancy…. through all the pain I felt. I could have chose to focus on the fact that:

1. I was able to conceive 

2. I carried my son full term

3. I felt him move 

4. He was alive in my womb

5. I had no major sickness 

Etc. Etc. Etc.

We need to change our approach …. we need to make a conscious decision that no matter what comes our way, we will choose to see the good in it all. 

I wish I would have had the moment of wisdom 10 years ago, but if I did not go through what I went through; I wouldn’t be sharing this story.

 

So in closing I say, 

 

Choose JOY!

Make a simple decision today, that no matter what you are feeling or enduring; you will rise above your feelings and choose JOY. 

I mean …. you have nothing to loose. 

Allow God’s Joy to be your strength. 

 

Signed with Joy,

Joyfully Chrissy Lee πŸ’«πŸŒ»

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