August 26th, 2017
The day after Universal Studios – Orlando Florida.
I was pooped.
I walked into the living room …
And there he was;
My handsome, too smart for his own good, silly, loving 10 year old (Now 11 Year Old) was fast asleep.
He was pooped too.
Amusement parks can suck all the energy from you. 😣
I sat down in the bed and just stared at him.
I skipped down the memory lane of motherhood – boy did I have some ups and downs.
I thanked God for blessing me with the “Gift of Motherhood” and asked that he continue to hold my hand along the way.
I dwelled in my positive thoughts and then this mind of mine decided to go left. 😔
Ugh …. the frustrations of being a thinker. I mean really being a thinker. (As I’m writing this, I’m thinking about work, the political climate in the U.S., losing weight and how to keep myself from eating this Twinkie staring at me.) 💭💭
END THOUGHT – BACK TO WHERE WE LEFT OFF FROM ☝️🏽
You’re in a nice place of positive thinking and then the negative clouds tries to creep in. 🤐
I replayed some moments where I could have done something differently …. beat myself up because I missed my son’s 1st word and his 1st step because I was at work. I questioned if I work too much. Rationalizing about how I can be a better mother …. And then the big one …. the thought I try to avoid creeps in:
Why didn’t I conceive again after having J.C.?!
Did I put my career 1st?
Why did I go back and forth between wanting to have another?
Why couldn’t I conceive when I tried?!
Am I only meant to have 1 child?!
Have I fulfilled my purpose as a mother of 1?
Ugh …. I hate going there…. emotionally ….. mentally…. that question just drains me.
I dwelled there a little.
Trying to rationalize things that can’t be rationalized in life – not without driving yourself Crazy.
What is wrong with my body?
And then a sudden jolt of reality hit me.
My son kicked me in my upper thigh as he changed positions in bed.
As I rubbed my thigh, I chuckled and looked up.
“Thank You Lord.” (As a baby 👶🏾, J.C. would kick the heck out of me while he was in my womb.)
I guess he knew I was going down a dark path that would lead me to a pool of sadness in thoughts.
I looked at J.C. and thanked him too.
He has a way of always getting me back to where I need to be. … And this happens all too often. Lol 🙈
Mentally… I got back to where I needed to be.
Thanking God for being a mother of 2 – my 1 Biological Child and also my son from my previous marriage who is beginning his 1st year of College in VA.
I thanked God for children – My God Daughter, Step Children, Nieces and Nephews as well as adoptive Children from work – that he placed in my life.
I began to feel more at peace.
The package of motherhood comes in many forms.
Children come in many forms and don’t just have to be yours by D.N.A.
I’m thankful for all that I have and all that I will have in the future.
Sometimes we are in a good place and then let the enemy come in and do a 360 and it starts with our thoughts.
Remain thankful and always try your best to focus on the good.
There are so many miracles in our life if we just meditate on them and stay there; our positive and humble thoughts can keep us in a positive mode for a long time .
Don’t allow the devil to distort your thoughts and take you down a dark path .
Keep your mind in a food place. Keep your thoughts positive.
Ending on a positive note,
Signed with JOY,
Joyfully Chrissy Lee 💫🌻
Stay Positive. Stay Joyful.
Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.